Mental Health Notes

There Is A Fine Line Between Love and Mental Illness

by Alicia Sparks, Mental Health Notes on September 4th, 2007

“People tend to be pretty resilient, often more so than they realize,” Eastwick said. “No one is saying that breaking up is a good time. It’s just that people bounce back sooner than they predict.”

Sounds like a pretty rational quote from Science Daily article Breaking Up May Not Be As Hard As The Song Says, right? Whether or not you’ll buy the rest of the article’s contents is up for speculation.

In short, a study at Northwestern University that was published in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology “has found” that when a romantic relationship comes to an end, partners in love experience less grief and despair than they thought they would prior to breaking up.

Our research shows that a breakup is not nearly as bad as people imagine, and the more you are in love with your partner, the more wrong you are about how upset you are going to be when the dreaded loss actually occurs,” said Eli Finkel, assistant professor of psychology in Northwestern’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences and co-author of the study.

Still seems pretty rational, right?

However, I have a few thoughts and questions on the matter.

Although I haven’t read the study published in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (apparently the Journal’s website doesn’t publish archives until well after the originals are in print form), I have a few thoughts on the way in which this “study” was conducted.

First, the study involved couples who were labeled as “most-in-love participants” and “participants less in love.” It’s been my experience that you’re either in love or you’re not. You may love someone, but not be in love with that person, and many people confuse that state. Therefore, you may end up categorizing yourself as less in love. I would consider that maybe the participants who were labeled as “less in love” had been together for a shorter period of time than those labeled as “most in love,” but the participants in the study needed to be in a relationship for at least two months in order to qualify. The study lasted for nine months.

On that note, what do we know about the participants who didn’t break up? Surely every couple didn’t break up within the nine-month study. If those lasting couples ever do break up, what level of distress will they experience? Will it follow the pattern the study claims?

What about mental illness? Many people with mental health conditions experience…well, they tend to have different experiences when it comes to falling in love - sometimes. As those of us who have bipolar disorder can attest, “falling in love” doesn’t always mean we’ve fallen in love. Sometimes it means what we’ve actually fallen into is a manic high - a manic high with symptoms that confuse our perception. Did any of these relationships begin due to one partner’s mental health symptoms?

Personal story time, just to further illustrate how mental health can affect love and relationships.

I once began a relationship in the midst of a hypomanic state. As hypomania progressed into full blown mania, the relationship progressed from a casual attraction to uncontrollable obsession. I was convinced God wanted us together. I slept no more than two hours each morning and worked a full-time job all day. At most, I ate one meal a day. My entire life revolved around when I would get to talk to or see the other party. Sure, many newly-in-love couples behave this way. But not for months on end.

Then, there was a “mini break up” during the relationship - a time in my life in which I thought I would die. Saying I was an “emotional wreck” is an understatement of mass proportion. I missed work, slept the days away, cried the nights away, chain smoked, drank alone, and thought I may seriously feel that way for the rest of my life.

When the “mini break up” was over (i.e., God couldn’t stand to see me suffer anymore), all of the seductive aspects of a manic state returned. It wasn’t until the manic high was over that I realized, No, this can’t be.

I now question my behavior during the entire time, even whether or not I would have even entered into the relationship had I been in my “right state of mind.”

Many scientists compare symptoms of new love to symptoms of hypomania and mania and, as my story shows, mental illness can affect your relationship decisions. However, that’s enough for an entirely different post.

For now, I want to know what you think about this scientific scrutiny of love. Is science stepping on the toes of love, or can we really explain everything away with a scientific explanation?

Share This

POSTED IN: Bipolar Disorder, Current Affairs & News, Doctors & Scientists, Enviromental Factors, Love Lessons, Men, Mind Mysteries, No Prescription Needed, Side Effects, Sites of Interest, Sleep Disorders, Women