Mental Health Notes - News, Education and Advocacy

Should You Make Amends With Those You’ve Wronged?

by Alicia Sparks, Mental Health Notes on September 22nd, 2008

The ninth step of the 12 Steps reads:

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Like the second step (and pretty much all the steps, when you get down to it), the ninth step can also apply to people with mental health issues.

Need proof? Reread my personal story at Can A Power Greater Than Yourself Restore You To Sanity? and then realize that I had to make amends with everyone I’d lied to, deceived, ignored, etc. during that time. My parents, my sister, my then husband, my best friends - once the dust settled, I had to face them, apologize to them, and make amends.

Keep in mind that when you’re apologizing and making amends, a mumbled “sorry” doesn’t really cut it (Mark addresses this at Made Direct Amends). Even in the case of mental health situations, a quick “sorry” may clear your conscience for the time being - and let the people know you’re aware of your behavior and how it affected them - but it shouldn’t be the end. Once you’re on the road to becoming healthy again, such as seeking treatment, taking medication, making lifestyle changes, learning about your mental health - whatever your road is - you should offer a sincere apology and try to make amends.

Do I think it’s necessary to apologize and try to make amends with every single person you wronged when you were in the throes of mania, depression, or psychosis? No. That list of people could go on and on, and your mental health is still your business, after all. The Wal-Mart greeter who received a dirty look from you, for example, doesn’t need to know your personal business. Maybe you should just smile at her next time.

However, I do think that in cases that involve close, personal loved ones - loved ones with whom you’d like to maintain a good relationship - it’s a pretty good idea. Maybe you borrowed obscene amounts of money from your parents to get you out of a jam, such as a jam caused by your impulsive shopping. Maybe you ignored your best friend’s phone calls for months at a time because you were too depressed to answer the phone, much less meet up with her for lunch. These are the situations in which you need to offer sincere apologies and try to make amends.

You may not have meant to hurt these people, but chances are, you did. Make it right.

For more information about the ninth step - including apologies, making amends, and regaining trust - check out the following posts by Mark:

• Ninth Step Promises
• Trust Takes Time
• Honesty - But To What Extent?
• Oh No! Personal Relationships!!!
• I Am Responsible
• Do Not Make The Crosses Of Others Heavier

This post is part of the b5media Health & Wellness Channel’s recognition of the National Alcohol and Drug Awareness Month. To read more, please visit
b5Media Salutes National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month.

Image: SXC

Share This

POSTED IN: Mental Health Notes