Having the ability to recall that precise moment when you recognized something was definitely wrong isn’t something many people have. Especially when it comes to mental illness or disorders – whether in yourself or in a family member.

In my own case, given that I have this uncontrollable need for order, I recall the very day – almost hour, when I knew something was off, broken, needed mending or needed abandoned.

Until that day, I’d recognized patterns that I found a bit puzzling, but tried – like most, to brush it off as just a fluke. I tried to blame this uneasy feeling I was having on my own controlling tendencies. I’d always known I was a bit touched in the head – especially when it came to my bath towels, hands, kitchen counters and coffee pot.

IF my bath towels are folded a certain way and the colors alternate every other – IF my hands are washed about 20 times per day - IF my kitchen counters wiped down 30 times per day and IF my coffee pot secured in the off position – I can rest easy and it’s a very good day! That is until I leave the house and then become compulsive about checking for my keys and that experience takes on a whole other life of it’s own.

What I didn’t know and wasn’t prepared to recognize was that a compulsive need to buy coffee cups was a warning sign indicating something was wonky. I didn’t recognize that wonkiness until I went to the doctor for my own stress and divulged to her that I was struggling with anger issues over my husband buying so many damned coffee cups.

We had a cupboard FULL of cups, stacked two high, 5 wide and 6 deep. And that was just the every day cups – that didn’t include the pricy – collector cups he’d gotten in the habit of buying from Danbury Mint. We’re talking MUGS that cost between $14.95 plus S&H to $34.95 plus S&H. We accumulated the entire duck hunting series (that’s six in all) and some farm scene mugs (a set of 3).

I was ready to divorce!

With those mugs/cups plus the one’s he had picked up at our local Farmer’s Pike Festival – In less than a year, we’d accumulated over 75 cups valued at over $500.

Don’t get me wrong, I love coffee, tea and hot cocoa – but I love my Starbucks tumbler and don’t drink from anything else. Ever. What’s even more puzzling is he doesn’t drink coffee.

My doctor did prescribe Wellbutrin to help take my edge off and explained to me that the coffee cups could very well be a classic symptom of mental illness. She encouraged me to talk to my husband about seeking an evaluation.

Once I arrived home, I shared details of my doctor visit with him. I gave him no alternative option – he was to undergo a thorough examination – one more coffee cup and I was filing for divorce – no ifs, ands or buts!

Looking back, ours is kind of a funny experience – at the time, it felt like the straw that was breaking the camels back. Our arguments were brutal – my husband had become someone I didn’t know and we’re talking about a man I’d known since he was a 10-year-old boy. I was there when he became a man – and suddenly he was a complete stranger.

Do you remember the instant or experience that made you realize something was seriously wrong – broken and needed fixing?

Care to share?

Image credit: stock.xchng

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The authors of this study concluded that while parental illness does not guarantee poor outcomes in the children, the more severe mental illnesses have been associated with less sensitive and competent parenting. The more severe illnesses also increased the risk of mental illness in their offspring and contributed to insecure infant attachment, and lower quality of the mother-child relationship.

I had a discussion recently in that I wondered just how real the span of mental illness is. In reality, I can look around on any given day and recognize tendencies that are commonly linked to a variety of mental illness. Most times I zero in on those that I’m most aware of in my own world – things characteristic of OCD and bipolar. Those are the two that seem to make a daily visit to my own household.

I have to wonder if mental illness isn’t really the new normal?

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Since taking over as the writer here at MHN, I’ve shared about myself and my own life experiences with mental illness. Now it’s your turn.

I’m not asking that you give me your entire life history – but perhaps share enough of yourself that I may know what my new readers are here for. What mental illnesses have set up residence in your life? Does this illness or illnesses belong to you or someone in your family?

I’d also like to learn more from my readers in what I can do to accommodate your needs – at least the needs you may be seeking in an online forum or venue?

I love doing research – I love learning and most of all I love helping people. I guess I was born to be an advocate of some sort. It seems to be the one constant hat I’ve worn from a very early age.

So please, take just a moment – leave a comment on this post and allow me to get to know you.

I look forward to meeting you.

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In a sad state of events, John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston have lost their 16 year old son. Jett Travolta died while the family was vacationing in the Bahamas.

John and Kelly have denied reports that Jett was autistic and claimed their son suffered from Kawasaki disease, a rare inflammatory condition that can damage the heart, characterized by high fever, painful rash, and lymph-node swelling.

They believe the illness was caused by contact with carpet-cleaning chemicals as a small child.

Autism is not recognized by the Church of Scientology, of which the couple are known to be prominent members.

Based on precepts laid down by science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard and whose Hollywood followers include Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Scientology views mental illness as psychosomatic. Scientologists believe it should be treated through spiritual healing instead of medication.

Many will remember the verbal feud between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise when Tom publically ridiculed Shields for taking antidepressants.

Scientology denounces psychology and psychiatry as pseudo-sciences and rejects the use of drugs to treat mental conditions.

Image credit: Bauer Griffin

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The group struck back by writing in response to a Dec. 25 article "Police: Man bludgeoned 2 kids at Phoenix park." In the article, Steven Pitt, a forensic psychiatrist, dispels the myth that people with a mental illness are more violent than other people.

The response cites The MacArthur Violence Risk Assessment Study, the most sophisticated study ever done on the relationship between violence and mental illness. This particular study found the level of violence was no different. Pitt goes on to point out the exceptions by stating those with schizophrenia "are at the top of the food chain," which is a poor choice of words and equally poor information.

There are many factors that contribute to violence such as substance abuse, history of abuse, gender and so forth. The fact that so many of those who are truly uneducated on the subject of mental illness further perpetuates the social stigma and ridicule that prevents many from seeking proper treatment.

Good job Arizona for stepping up and speaking out.

Source: AZ Central

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One of my biggest struggles in living day-to-day with a spouse who suffers with bipolar disorder is the fact that our thought processes seem to be on two very different waves at all times.

Having attended several support groups for families of mental illness consumers, I’ve learned we are never to push those with mental illness. As a spouse, it’s a constant, ongoing struggle – especially when I feel so many responsibilities are being thrust upon my shoulders that I didn’t sign on for.

When I said in sickness and in health, I didn’t know it meant five long years of roller coaster emotions and mood swings.

During some of the manic phases, my husband would go on his spending sprees. Once the mania was over, the bills were left in the wake and everything else would remain the same – I would be pulling down 12 to 15 hour days working while he would struggle to maintain a 20 hour a week part-time job.

In the beginning, 20-hours was all he could handle because the medication he needed to maintain an even temper would cause him to lapse into such a weakened state of exhaustion.

As the one who is forced into the position of complete and total responsibility, I’ve found it most difficult to struggle with a growing resentment. There are times I want to just scream…”When it is my time to be exhausted and sleep?” - “When is it my time to work 20 hours a week?” - “When is it my time to go on a spending spree and spend on me, me, me?”

At most I can look forward to the few nights a week that the kids go to bed early and I may steal away a few hours to myself to read or lay back and watch Lifetime Movie Network.

Do you struggle with the constant battle of resentment and guilt? The constant emotional tug-of-war? If so, please feel free to chime in.

Even better – if you have words of wisdom for we spouses that struggle with trying to provide balance and responsibility to our families while we wait patiently and anxiously for our loved one to heal enough to help us pick up the pieces?

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As long as I can remember, my grandmother suffered from ‘something’ that no one could ever quite put their finger on. It wasn’t until a couple years after her passing that I was able to recognize some of the classic, textbook symptoms of depression and bipolar.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no doctor and I would certainly never try to issue a diagnosis – but if my grandmother were still alive, I would personally take her to as many doctors as it would take to get her properly diagnosed with whatever mental illness was consuming her and her life.

Grandma was a wonderful woman, but she had her moments. Almost never with me though. I always seemed to have a knack for communicating with her that very few seemed to ever be able to accomplish. And by communicating, I mean sitting there, listening to her talk, nodding my head in agreement and tossing in an occasional ‘uh huh.’

My grandmother had five children and one stepchild.

In their adult life, those children never knew a time in which they were not being pitted against one another for whatever reason. In hindsight, I think my grandma saw the real life drama as her children needing her – if for nothing else, to be a sounding board for their own personal problems.

In my adult life, I wound up marrying a man with addictive tendencies. Those addictions spanned from tobacco, to drugs, to alcohol and even to women. That marriage lasted 5 very long years.

Later, I myself would be diagnosed with clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. My OCD tendencies aren’t extreme but are enough to cause the slightest hint of chaos in my everyday life.

Have you ever heard of a person living with OCD being married to a person who has been diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD? Talk about excitement! There’s never a dull moment around our house!

I guess you can see how a little life journey that’s sprinkled with lessons in communication, understanding and knowledge could come in handy – and thus my reason for signing on as the writer/editor of Mental Health Notes.

There’s plenty more life experience stories I will share and hope to grow to understand better – but this will put you within the ballpark of just how chaotic and challenging my mixed up dysfunctional mental unhealthy life tends to be.

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I’ve spent a great deal of time over the last couple of years attending support groups, reading books, in therapy and praying that someway, somehow, God would help me through the challenges I was faced with.

I kept telling myself that I knew God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much. 

When Alicia informed me she was leaving Mental Health Notes, I did what I normally do – I thought, I prayed and I thought some more – the end result is – here I am! I’m not a mental health professional by any stretch of the imagination. I hope you’ll join me in this journey as we explore various mental illnesses, treatments and hopefully develop a strong support community.

I look forward to learning more with all our MHN readers.

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However, now, a year and a half later, it’s time for me to move on. I’m not leaving the blogging world, or the mental health advocacy scene - on the contrary, I’m now going to blog for PsychCentral’s new celebrity mental health blog, Celebrity Psychings (cool name, huh? yeah, I thought so too).

You may be thinking, “But, Alicia…you’ve always been so adamant about not invading celebrities’ privacy regarding their health…why are you now going to write a blog about, um, celebrity mental health?”

Well, that’s true. I am adamant about respecting celebrities’ privacy when it comes to their health; however, I’m also super excited every time a celebrity comes forward about mental health issues. So, you can rest assured the blog will in no way make assumptions about a celebrity’s mental health, or degrade or make fun of celebrities. One of the goals with Celebrity Psychings will be to help educate the public about the mental health conditions they hear about in the news, while watching TV, while surfing the Internet…you get the idea.

Plus, the blog will also touch on mental health in the media and entertainment scenes. (Michael Scofield, here I come.)

It’s been great working with b5media, and especially my fellow bloggers within the Health & Wellness Channel. It’s also been great getting to know some of you readers. I do hope you’ll check out the new blog once it goes public, and if you’d like an email update when that time happens with a link to the blog, please don’t hesitate to shoot me an email at crypticquill AT yahoo DOT com.

In the meantime, keep advocating!

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Back before we headed to the polls, I shared with you an email I received regarding now President-elect Barack Obama’s stance on mental health parity.

Well, now I’ve received an email from Mental Health America urging me to send an electronic postcard to Obama to urge him to keep healthcare reform a top priority during his first year in office.

From the email:

As he prepares to take office, President-elect Barack Obama faces many pressing issues. And some will urge him to defer efforts to achieve healthcare reform, suggesting that it will be too costly, too difficult, or not a sufficiently high priority. Click the link to send the digital postcard to President-elect Obama and tell him that you want him to make healthcare reform a top priority in 2009.

Naturally, I did. And I’m passing it along so that all of you can do the same! Simply visit Mental Health America’s page Send a Postcard to President-elect Obama, enter your info, and click “send.”

So easy.

Do it now.

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